Tuesday, February 24, 2015
I need to do some soul searching. Somehow over the course of the last year, I have become overwhelmed. I have turned my hobby into an etsy shop, I have jumped into a new personal business, I have started doing vendor shows, I have volunteered as a lead for a major local charity event, I have a sick bird in my living room, I have a sick kid away at college, I have a dog now who has recently had surgery, I have a husband who is out of town at the moment, and I don't know how I'm going to do it all. All of this without one of my medications because thanks to my "new, improved" health insurance plan, it costs $800. They are trying to force us to use their ridiculous mail order pharmacy (because sending drugs through the mail is so safe.) When I called and talked to them, they said that yes it is $800 for a month's worth of the drug. However, they could provide me with 3 months of the drug for <drumroll please> $800. Yes, I'm not kidding. Plus the plan which last year was a no deductible plan, is a high deductible plan so not only am I paying more for prescriptions, I am also paying full price for every doctor visit I have. I have no idea where this money will come from. I wish I was like Oprah and could just pull it out my ass. Being upper middle class sucks. But we were poor when we first got married and that sucked too. Maybe life just sucks in general for everyone no matter how much you have or how much you make. I was happy. Through much of 2013 and 2014 I was happy. But 2015 seems to want to break me. So I think I need to do some serious soul searching. I need to figure out what is important to me and what I can let go. Where my focus should lie and what I can afford to let fall by the wayside. I just feel like I have way too many balls in the air and the fact that I take everything personally doesn't help that. Someone honks their horn in traffic, I think they are honking at me. Someone opposes my viewpoint and I think they just don't like me. I doubt everything I do. It takes an effort for me just to appear as though I'm a normal person. I'm exhausted and I am avoiding it all by sitting here and writing this blog. I need my medication - obviously. I need that little pink pill to help me be like Elsa and let it go. I can't wait till April when the generic is scheduled to come out. Damn insurance. Damn illnesses. Damn expenses. Damn people. Damn, damn, damn. Maybe I should just hermit away till April for everyone's damn sake. Look out world! Here comes unmedicated Elsa! Maybe that's why its so damn cold and snowy around here lately.