Monday, January 24, 2011

Depression 101

Depression.  By definition - a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, and feelings of dejection.  In reality - a living hell.  You can feel sad, yes, but more importantly and more often than not you just feel confused.  You want to do things but you don't.  You don't know why.  You can't stay focused.  You can't commit to anything or follow through on anything.  You don't want to be alone but you don't want to have to deal with people either.  There is no making you happy.  Your thoughts are scattered.  You ask yourself "What's wrong with me?"  You are disgruntled, mostly at yourself.  Some people think depression is just getting sad or being sad and its so much more, much deeper than that.  You sleep a lot.  To avoid reality.  The average person gets tired and looks at the couch and wants to lie down.  The depressed person looks at the couch, is tired, and wants to crawl under it and hide.  Nobody understands.  Your motto becomes "Why?  What's the point?" and you honestly can't answer that question.  The things that used to make you smile now just make you think.  Everything starts to look pointless, then hopeless.  You stay in.  Seclude yourself.  Think about going out but think "Why bother?"  You get pangs of loss but you haven't lost anything.  You think of yourself as not worth it.  You feel like a failure at everything.  You feel as though you may cease to exist.  You may even wish that you ceased to exist.  Nothing is good.  Nothing is comforting.  Nothing is all there is.  Its a deep black hole without a bottom that you are free falling through without any control.  Its amazing how much you can cry yet you don't know why you're crying at all.  People will tell you to cheer up.  Its not that easy.  Every cell in your brain and your body says the opposite.  People will tell you to snap out of it.  If you could, you would.  Don't they know that.  It is a frustrating disorder made further frustrating because it is misunderstood.  The more people try to help, the further away you push them.  Usually till they give up and you have nobody.  But that's what you've felt all along.  Like you have nobody.  You feel alone.  All alone.  Like it will never end.

If you or anyone you know feel this way, please contact a professional for help.  Therapy and medication management are amazing things that can have a great impact on your life.  You don't have to feel this way and its not your fault that you do.  There is help out there.  Just have the strength and the courage to ask.  There should be no shame in asking for help.


  1. Wow. That was an amazing post. So well spoken. Thanks.

  2. You have just put into words the last 18months of my life. Hugs and love to you hunny. xoxox

  3. this was pretty amazing. i've been close, but never really there. but i know people who wrestle depression, and your insights help me understand...

  4. I have dealt with these things for so long. Not many people fully understand even if they say they do sometimes. I don't always understand it myself. Your insight & words are so well spoken! Thanks :)