And Then, There Were Two

I did it.  I drove my daughter to University and left her there.  omg!  I can't believe that I actually did this.  I am a bit numb at this point.  I have to admit that I cried but I was lucky enough to be able to hold that in until we got to the car.  I wanted to turn around and go back the entire way home.  But I didn't.  I did it.  She texted numerous times while we were returning to Suburbia saying how she missed us and I just couldn't express with words just how much I missed her too.  I had to be strong.  I didn't want to be.  I wanted to say "Do you want mommy to come back and get you?"  But I didn't.  I assured her that she will do well, she will succeed and she will be okay.  It feels like someone has ripped my heart out and tossed it aside.  I am spent.  I didn't sleep at all last night and with good reason.  I didn't want to sleep.  I just wanted to sit and watch my baby sleep.  Creepy, yes.  Sappy, yes.  Did I do it, no.  But I wanted to.  We spent the day with her - setting up her room, picking up her books, getting her post box set up, but when it came time to leave - we left.  There were parents who didn't.  There were parents who lingered and stayed simply because the college can't kick them out.  But we did what was right.  We left.  It was what we were supposed to do as parents.  We weren't supposed to hang out and make it harder on her.  We weren't supposed to stay and get in the way.  We weren't supposed to make other students sad that their parents had left and jealous that we had stayed as some did.  We left.  And now we are here.  Here at home.  And it just isn't the same.  It will never be the same again.  She will always be my baby girl but now she is an adult.  I am the parent of an adult child.  Wow.  So that leads me to - me.  Now what?  It will be hard tomorrow when Hubby returns to work and I am here all alone.  No kid to drive to work or pick up from work.  No child centered errands to run.  No evening of hearing about the perils of the daycare toddler-keeper.  It will be hard when I come across things - a book left here, a water bottle left there - all reminding me that she's no longer here.  I will probably cry more.  But then I will smile because I know that she is doing what needs to be done.  She is going for her goal.  She is making me proud.