A Different Kind of Christmas Shopping

Yay!  Shout it from the rooftops.  Alert the media.  It's official!  We are licensed to adopt!  We got the word yesterday and it still feels surreal to me.  All that work.  All of the requirements.  All the waiting.  Over and done.  Now we just have to find the right match and things will be on their way.  I'm excited to say the least but still scared at the same time.  What if I screw this up?  What if I get a child in my home and can't handle that child?  I can't stand the thought of having a child move in just to have it all fall through before the adoption is final.  The "child shopping" aspect comes into play again and I just don't know if I can handle it.  I also am scared financially.  If the rental of our house had gone through as we hoped, we would be in a much better place.  But it didn't.  We just couldn't risk having someone obviously financially irresponsible in our house most likely NOT paying rent.  We've really drained our finances and I am not sure how physically far away we can look for a child.  I would hate to miss out on the right child simply because they live at a significant distance from us.  There are just so many children out there needing homes.  How am I to pick just one?  I know that the social services agencies will help.  If we are not a good match for that child they will let us know.  But what happens if we're a good match for more than one child?  How would I ever choose between them?  I thought once we got to this point in the process that it would be smooth sailing from here on out, but it actually seems more stressful now than it did at any other point.  I guess that's because it is more real now than it ever has been before.  I know I should be to the moon happy, and I am, I just get knocked back down to earth every time I realize what a momentous step we are about to take.  I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it.  I guess its like any other life milestone - getting married, having a baby, moving across the country - you just have to jump in with both feet and hope for the best.  Ok.  I'm ready.  3...2...1...JUMP!!!!!