Dear Nationwide Insurance,
I would like to thank you for covering the recent copper pipe theft we experienced in the house which we are trying to sell. You handled our claim swiftly even promising us that we were paying too much and adjusting our policy. We appreciate all you have done for us including opening our eyes to your ridiculous practices and idiotic procedures. Not being able to talk to an actual person at your office has been a true delight. There is nothing I enjoy more than pushing buttons trying to get a real person. Your front office staff has been remarkably unhelpful. It seems they really excel at taking customers money and, if they are calling for any other reason, making sure they get disconnected. I myself got to experience this wonderful skill during three consecutive phone calls - all within a fifteen minute span. Now that's talent. But most of all I would like to thank you for the wonderful Christmas greeting that arrived in our post box yesterday. Most Christmas mail simply says "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays" but no, you went with the much more original "We sincerely regret we are unable to continue your Homeowner insurance protection at this time". Wow. Never has a more eloquent Christmas greeting been uttered. What an amazing gift - adjusting our policy so that our payments will be zero. I hope you all had a magnificent Christmas break of four and a half days out of the office. Nothing beats spending time with family especially when you drive together to your agent's office to find it dark and vacant. Your holiday spirit in unmatched and your new year will be prosperous, without you even having to do anything to deserve it. Thank you for making this a craptastic Christmas for me and my family.
Sincerely,
quirky me
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