It Ain't Alcatraz

First off, let me say that I in no way feel any dislike toward the people of Oklahoma but WTH?  Are your prisons made of nerf?  Ever heard of bars or guards or locks?  I ask this because on my social media feed, I receive updates from an Oklahoma news channel.  Having lived in Oklahoma for a couple of years, I found it interesting to get the local low-down on the what's up in Okie Dokie Land.  Anyway, daily, ok maybe weekly, it seems that the police in OKC have surrounded a house containing a suspect believed to have escaped from so-and-so prison.  I guess I was young and naive when I lived there because I don't remember Oklahoma being one of our more dangerous states unless your talking tornadic terror.  I just don't get how all of these people keep escaping.  Hubby says that they are most likely on a work detail but don't they still have guards with them.  And we all know that Oklahoma guards like their guns.  Why don't they just shoot them?  Then Hubby reminded me that its not the guards in Oklahoma that like their guns, its the police.  See when we lived there, an elderly man with dementia on his front lawn weilding a weed-eater was shot several times to his death when he charged police with said weed-eater.  Now, man charged with assault trying to escape prison or elderly man with a weed-eater - which one would you shoot?  And they aren't just escaping prison.  They are doing it with flair.  I recall a posting from a few weeks ago about a young man who escaped prison and went to a local fire department and stole a fire truck.  The posting told anyone seeing a man in prison garb driving around in a fire truck that "well, you know what to do".  At first I thought this was a very nonchalent treatment of the situation but upon further consideration, I think it was an invitation for the gun-toting populace.  I think it was Oklahoma code for shoot him yourself.  This may not be a bad idea because I have often wondered what would happen if one of those major Oklahoma twisters hit a large penitentiary.  But maybe that's why so many Oklahomans have guns.  They are just waiting to hear that secret code.  So take caution who is around next time you say "you know what to do".  You may just open a whole can of worms - worms with guns who are ready to take you down.

If Only I was You're-a-peein'

I was pondering what to write as a blog entry today.  Numerous ideas crossed my mind such as my latest tangle with my local pharmacy ("No I will not pay you $322 because you keep pushing the wrong button") but I settled on a topic that I'm sure we are all interested in - the bidet.

WARNING: This blog post contains juvenile wording for natural human processes and parts.  If this will offend you, please stop reading here.  If you're ok with words like pooh and tinkle, please proceed but comments saying how offended you are will not be tolerated.  You've been warned.

I don't know how it came up.  I think we were watching an episode of House Hunters on HGTV and the house the people were looking at had a bidet.  The potential occupants were surprised and in their uncomfortable way made some borderline inappropriate jokes.  But my daughter asked why they had two toilets.  I responded that one was a bidet.  She had no idea what that was so I explained to her that you use it after the toilet and it shoots water on your lady bits to clean you and then blow dries your private zone.  I explained that they are very popular in Europe but nobody uses them in the United States and I got to thinking - why not?  Why are we as Americans not blessed with possibly one of the greatest forms of hygenic cleansing ever invented?  I mean, what are we afraid of?  A little water?  A little air flow?  We pride ourselves in having technology out the whazoo but when it comes to our whazoo we skimp.  I did however have three questions for my European followers who are veteran bidet users.  First off, does water do the job?  I mean the full job.  Let's face it. We've all had those moments where we need to use more toilet paper than an overzealous three year old.  Does the stream of water have some force behind it to force our behind into clean territory?  Second, same question basically but this time it involves the dryer.  Do you end up feeling like you just sat in a puddle?  And latestly, how does one get from the toilet to the bidet without making a mess or leaving a trail?  I mean they are typically positioned close to each other but not THAT close.  Now, given that I have zero patience to wait for my European friends to comment.  I did what any normal American does when they don't know anything about something.  They Google it.  This is where I discovered the Swash 1000 Bidet Toilet Seat.  With an installation time of less than 20 minutes, you too can feel as though you are poohing abroad.  The review was good (Well I guess it was good.  I don't read many bidet reviews so I don't have a standard against which to measure this one.)  It even answered some of my questions.  Yes, the water does the job.  Yes, you still may need a minimal amount of toilet paper.  And with this particular model, there is no messy transfer from seat to seat.  Its an all in one deal.  It even has a smell elimination feature!  The only real downside is that you will hate poohing anywhere else once you've experience it.  You will become one spoiled tinkler.  But I say, bring it on.  Look out toilet paper industry.  Here comes the Swash 1000.  It will put you out of business.  Maybe that's it.  Maybe the supression of the bidet has been formulated by the toilet paper industry to protect their profits.  Like a toilet paper mafia!  See - good things come from waching cable TV and frequent Googling.  Without these, I never could have warned you about the toilet paper mafia.  Feel free to leave your thanks in the comments and remember this is America - it is your right to bidet.  United we Swash!

S.O.S.

So I have to clean my house.  Get rid of the clutter.  Well, at least most of the clutter.  See we have to make a video for front-runner to see when they tell her they have chosen us as a family for her.  (Please note the positive outlook.)  I have no idea what to put on this video.  Hubby and I went out and bought a new video camera.  Our old one still used tape.  So we went to Best Buy, which is an evil store, and an hour later we were the owners of a brand new digital video camera with optical zoom.  We left confused slightly as we usually do from Best Buy.  They are a good store but the sales people are amazing.  They can convince us to buy just about anything.  Not that its difficult.  I am a total shop-a-holic and Hubby is like a kid in a candy store when we go there.  But we always leave the store a couple hundred dollars poorer than when we entered and we're not sure how it happens.  But that's besides the point, the point here is we have the camera.  Now we just need to declutter the background and shoot the video.  I don't want to clean too much because I want to portray our home as it typically is.  Or more accurately as I would typically prefer it to be.  But even once we declutter, what are we supposed to put on this video.  I want to be truthful and informative but I don't want to scare her.  I want to make it funny but I don't want her to think we are total dorks.  I want her to like it and want to come and live with us except I have limited information about her and what she likes.  So I have nothing to relate things to.  Makes the process kind of difficult.  I try to come up with ideas of what to include and how to present it.  But I'm just not sure what to do.  So I am asking you.  Some of you know me.  Some of you even know hubby and our daughter.  If you know us well, what about us should we share and how should we share it?  If you don't know us well, what would you like to know about us?  What would you ask if you had the chance?  All I know is that I am at a loss and I need your help.  Pretty, pretty please.  If you comment, please do not use our real names.  I like our anonymity :) 
Thanks in advance my peeps!

My Ovaries, My Business

So it finally came up.  The dreaded question that I knew would be lurking in the back of everyone's mind when we decided to adopt: "Can they not have any more children?"  First of all, bad enough question.  Second of all, it came from my mother.  She was "only asking because someone else had asked her", but secondhand or not, its still an invasive question.  I guess I just see this as a personal area that nobody should have any right to ask.  I guess I figured my mother would understand that without me having to actually verbalize it.  I guessed wrong.  This is one stereotype that needs to be done away with.  Just because someone decides to adopt doesn't mean there must be something wrong.  For those who are infertile, adoption is a wonderful option, but just like not all infertile couples choose to adopt, not all adoptive couples are infertile.  Adoption is a choice.  Not a last resort.  I have been, as far as I know, perfectly able to have another baby.  I mean, heck, it only took like a month or two to conceive the first one after we got married.  (Yes, I do see most people do the math in their head when they hear how close to our wedding our daughter came into the picture.)  We could have had a whole brood had we chose to.  We could have been our very own family Von Trap.  But we chose not to.  We chose to focus our energy and attention on our one.  Once she was off bottles, we didn't want to go there again.  Once she was out of diapers, we didn't want to go there again.  Once she was out of daycare, we didn't want to go there again.  I could really go on and on.  The point here is we chose to have an only child and now we are choosing to add another child.  Now that our daughter is older and understands that parents can share their love and attention, we want to share that love and attention with someone who really needs it.  Do we want to start over again with an infant?  No.  Besides, there is part of me that would feel bringing another child into this world would be a selfish thing to do.  We have one that is a product of Hubby and me.  Why not use this opportunity to give to someone who doesn't have?  Why would I create another mini-me when there are children out there without parents?  Not saying that people with more than one boilogical child are making the wrong choice, I'm just saying it is a CHOICE.  A personal choice to say the least.  This is something you really have to feel called to do and we feel that calling.  We feel it is our responsibility to make the world a better place for someone who has known pain and anguish.  To bring love where there may have been none before.  It is not an easy thing to do - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and literally.  But it is a choice we have made.  A choice.  Not a last resort.  So if you know someone who is adopting, please, no matter how hard it is, no matter how curious you may be, don't ask if they can't have any children of their own.  Take care of your own business and not other people's.

30% Off Your Sanity

Ok.  So I thought it was cool when someone in the Ukraine was reading my blog.  Now someone in Pakistan is reading it!  That is so cool.  If you enjoy reading it, please take a moment to choose a favorite post and share it on your facebook page or any other way that you may know how to share it (I can be techno-challenged so all I know is how to share it on facebook).  I love knowing that I am reaching people.  Too awesome!  Today I am prepping for Thanksgiving and trying to decide if I am going to venture out to the Black Friday sales.  Most of my shopping is done so I don't really need to go out.  I have just always wondered what it was like to be out in that mass of insane shoppers.  I want to see it firsthand.  All the fuss and craziness all for a cheaper price.  I don't really want to buy anything on the super sales.  I just want to watch the mass hysteria.  And would you believe that you don't even have to wait until Black Friday anymore?  Toys R Us opens on Thanksgiving Day at 10 p.m. with their sales.  Wal-mart's sales start at midnight.  Other stores are opening at 3 a.m. and 4 a.m.  There is no reason to set your alarm to get up when you never get the chance to go to sleep.  Apparently you are supposed to eat your turkey and take a nap so you can get up in the evening and head to the overnight sales.  I wonder what they do in the rest of the world where there is no Thanksgiving?  When is their Black Friday?  Anyone from the Ukraine or Pakistan care to  enlighten me?