Would You Like Fries With That?

It is Good Friday and I am starving.  Why am I fasting if I consider myself agnostic?  Because some bad habits are hard to break.  There is still that little tiny bit of catholic fear in me that makes me fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  I also give up something for lent and don't eat meat on Fridays in lent as well.  I have no idea why the catholic church has such a stranglehold on me.  I guess years of guilt and fear can have that kind of effect on a person.  I really need to do some research on these religious traditions and find out why we do these crazy things.  Why is there no meat eating on Fridays in lent but seafood can be indulged in in mass quantities?  I can go out and have lobster but a burger is off limits.  I don't remember any burning bush recommending that one.  I understand the sacrifice of giving something up for lent.  That's why I do it.  However, I don't think Jesus is going to unfriend me if I dare to have the forbidden candy, gum, chocolate or whatever weakness you are supposed to be standing firmly against.  It was the church that made up these rules.  I'm sure they had their reasons, but are their reasons really relevant?  If anything, their reasons are to get butts in pews and dollars in the collection plate.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Religion as an institution is a man-driven force.  While my faith in God is unwavering, my faith in a mortal to be responsible for directing my soul to heaven is.  Ok.  I just saw on the news that there is a church offering drive-thru communion for Easter.  That's right people.  Punch your time card so you can get into heaven.  Smile big as you drive away knowing that the wafer in your mouth is your ticket to paradise.  Who cares if you live your life your way the other six days of the week?  You got your communion and you didn't even have to leave the car.  Instead of sitting in a man-made building with man-made decorations on Easter morning, we go out into God's creation, nature, and watch the sunrise, another one of God's creations.  There is just something about what we do that makes me feel closer to God than any sermon ever will.  I put in my face time with God, not the other parishoners.  Look out hell.  Here I come.

Dia de los Pajamas

Today I would like to introduce you to something very important and close to my heart.  It should be a part of everyone's life every now and then.  Its fulfilling and enjoyable beyond your wildest dreams.  Its a pajama day.  In case you're unaware, a pajama day is a day where you stay at home in your jammies all day long.  That's right - all day long!  You relax.  You indulge in whatever your heart desires as long as you stay in your pajamas.  I'm not saying you can't be productive.  Catch up on your e-mail, pay some bills, do a load of laundry but do it all in your pajamas.  It's a sanity day of sorts.  Everyone needs to take a break from the rat race every now and then and its a forced break.  Whenever we try to plan a day where we just kick back and relax, it never fails.  We always remember something we forgot to go get or something we should have done.  We then end up going out and not relaxing.  With a pajama day, there is no choice but to stay home.  You can't exactly go get groceries in your pajamas (although I think I have seen some people do that at the Kroger).  You won't be as eager to run to Wal-mart or Target in your pajamas.  You can nap and read and do the things that you like to do.  So plan out some sanity time by scheduling a pajama day.  You'll enjoy it.  I'll bet my jammies on it!

I'm Putting the Fun Back in Funeral

I know that it may be morbid, but often times I wonder - Would anyone come to my funeral if I died today?  Funerals upset me and not just because someone has died but because they are sterile and generic.  Maybe the family chooses some readings and some hymns but overall they are all the same.  A bunch of teary eyed mourners in an uncomfortable setting where nobody really knows what to say.  Not my funeral.  My funeral will be different.  Instead of mourning the loss of me, it will be a celebration of my life.  I've talked with my husband at length about this and he knows my wishes.  To start, I will be buried in my pajamas.  If I'm going to the eternal sleep, I want to be comfortable.  I want everyone at my funeral to have good memories of me by experiencing the things I love.  There will be readings but at least one will be from the great Dr. Seuss.  There will be music but we're not talking hymns, we're talking Green Day.  Instead of debating on whether they are obligated to come, I want people to not want to leave.  I want there to be cotton candy and snow cones.  Oooo and an airbrush tattoo artist.  I have yet to figure out how to get the skeeball machine to spit out memorial prayer cards instead of tickets, but I'm working on it.  There should be goodie bags for all who attend.  Take away something more than wadded up, used tissues.  When I die I want people to say "Woo hoo!  Bring on the funeral!"  Planning ahead is key.  Some people may think its gruesome, but I think that if deceased people could rate their funerals from the great beyond most would probably be a bit let down.  I don't want to have regrets from the other side.  I want people to have fun.  I want to give people something to talk about.  I want to be a scandelous rebel - even in death.