Pharmaceuticals of the Undead

So, I live near one of the (if not THE) counties in the country with an drug problem.  Its opiates and it is a problem.  In my opinion, not because it is killing people.  I do believe that addiction is a mental health problem and that addictive personalities need help, but I also believe people need to not try drugs in the first place so they don't get addicted.  I believe that while the second, third, or fourth time you use is not a choice, the first time is.  People make bad choices I know and while people are born with tendencies, that initial exposure is indeed a bad choice.  Anyway, the problem I have is Narcan.  I have a real problem with this life saving drug.  Not because it saves lives of people but because it is used so easily.  Someone ODs, cops bring them back with Narcan.  There are businesses in the urban area of the county next door who are having people OD in their parking lots numerous times a day because they know they will be found, the cops will be called, and they'll be saved thanks to Narcan.  I'm not saying these people don't deserve to live.  I am not God.  It is not my place to judge.  The problem I have is that if you have cancer and no insurance or limited finances to pay co-pays, cops don't show up at your house with cancer fighting meds.  Little kids with peanut allergies and other allergies can't get Epi-pens because they are upwards of four hundred dollars but Narcan is free?  What about inhalers and other medications that are required for life due to a disorder that someone is born with not a bad choice someone makes.  It is almost like rewarding people for ODing.  I just can't wrap my mind around it.  And don't even get me started on zombies.  Has no one noticed that these people OD and are brought back to life through the use of Narcan?  People are BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE!!!  They are zombies people!  ZOMBIES!  How long before those who have been saved with Narcan start craving brains?  AND NOBODY NOTICES THIS???  Whatever.  Keep using your Narcan.  I'll be stocking up on treadmills to surround my house with so the zombies won't get me.  Nothing like watching zombies fly off the back of a treadmill instead of crashing through my windows to entertain the masses.  So when the zombies, who are already living among us, come to get you, come to my house.  We'll be safe.  I even have an Epi-pen, an inhaler, HBP meds and psych meds - just no Narcan ;)

Shameless Self Promotion

After a disrupted adoption, we are in the process of attempting to adopt again.  If you would like to follow our trials and tribulations as we make our way through this process a second time, please see my other blog "The Butterfly Keepers" at www.wordpress.com/thebutterflykeepers.  Thank you and I hope to see you there!

When I Grow Up, I Want to be an Insurance Agency

Man what a week!  I thought "Oh this week is gonna go so slow with the kid gone off to college" but it was anything but slow.  I wanted a distraction and boy did I get one.  The main focus of the week was Monday when I was innocently sitting at a red light and WHAM! got hit hard from behind.  I got out of my only-a-year-old SUV yelling "What the hell?" to find a very apologetic and scared high school boy.  He was so young he still had braces!  I took one look at him and thought of my daughter.  How would I want someone to treat my daughter if this happened to her.  So I calmed down and told him to follow me to a nearby parking lot where we could exchange information.  He was standing in the rain trying to write his name and address.  It was sad.  So I invited him to come sit in my car.  He just kept repeating "Oh my God!"  It was actually kind of humorous.  (The panic not the damage to my vehicle)  He tells me how his tires are so bald and didn't work and he can't believe how nice I was being about the whole thing.  I assured him that things happen and what's done is done, no use being mad over something you can't go back in time and change.  He had to call his mom to get the policy number.  He was just so young.  Once we had exchanged information.  He went on his way and so did I.  I went on my way to the Kroger.  This seemed to upset my hubby a little bit.  Apparently when you have an accident you are not supposed to carry on with your life.  You are to immediately report home, call insurance and stay put.  Until what?  I don't know.  But as with every other accident I have had I continued on to where I was going.  I needed tape.  Having an accident didn't change that fact.  (Oh, and it was lunch time so I grabbed some lunch at a local fast food window)  Once home I immediately called my insurance.  I tried to do that from my cell phone but it was a touch tone menu and apparently my cell phone doesn't have touch tone.  It can play Ke$ha when my daughter calls me but it can't beep so that I choose number 1.  Go figure.  Anyway, the insurance tells me that I have two options.  I can 1) call the other driver's insurance and do everything myself, or 2) pay a $500 deductible to have them handle it for me.  What?!?!?  They said they will try to get that money back from the other driver's insurance and reimburse me for the $500 but I thought a deductible was what you paid when it was your fault that there was an accident.  I have had three previous accidents.  Two weren't reported due to circumstances beyond my control and one was a "no fault" in a parking lot fender bender.  I had to pay my deductible then but my insurance was paying for the repairs.  I guess I just don't understand why I have to front the deductible when the other driver fully admits fault.  What if I didn't have that money to spare?  I'd be screwed.  I'd be stuck handling everything myself.  In which case, what the hell do I have insurance for?  I pay them a hefty sum every six months to do potentially nothing?  I don't get it.  I'm thinking maybe I need to go into the insurance business.  Collect a couple hundred twice a year and tell people they have to pay me more when they are hit or I won't do anything.  Sounds like a nice free ride to me.  The adjuster even had a fancy name for it.  Subjegation or something like that.  Just in case you were wondering that is actually pronounced "bull-shit".  Maybe I don't have enough accidents to know that this is the way insurance works all the time but seems rather fishy to me whether its just my company or the industry as a whole.  I won't name names or point fingers here but if this sounds a bit off to you and you want to know the name of my company, feel free to comment and I will share the name of this entity which is performing questionable procedures with you.  I'm nice like that.  Just ask the boy who hit me.

And Then, There Were Two

I did it.  I drove my daughter to University and left her there.  omg!  I can't believe that I actually did this.  I am a bit numb at this point.  I have to admit that I cried but I was lucky enough to be able to hold that in until we got to the car.  I wanted to turn around and go back the entire way home.  But I didn't.  I did it.  She texted numerous times while we were returning to Suburbia saying how she missed us and I just couldn't express with words just how much I missed her too.  I had to be strong.  I didn't want to be.  I wanted to say "Do you want mommy to come back and get you?"  But I didn't.  I assured her that she will do well, she will succeed and she will be okay.  It feels like someone has ripped my heart out and tossed it aside.  I am spent.  I didn't sleep at all last night and with good reason.  I didn't want to sleep.  I just wanted to sit and watch my baby sleep.  Creepy, yes.  Sappy, yes.  Did I do it, no.  But I wanted to.  We spent the day with her - setting up her room, picking up her books, getting her post box set up, but when it came time to leave - we left.  There were parents who didn't.  There were parents who lingered and stayed simply because the college can't kick them out.  But we did what was right.  We left.  It was what we were supposed to do as parents.  We weren't supposed to hang out and make it harder on her.  We weren't supposed to stay and get in the way.  We weren't supposed to make other students sad that their parents had left and jealous that we had stayed as some did.  We left.  And now we are here.  Here at home.  And it just isn't the same.  It will never be the same again.  She will always be my baby girl but now she is an adult.  I am the parent of an adult child.  Wow.  So that leads me to - me.  Now what?  It will be hard tomorrow when Hubby returns to work and I am here all alone.  No kid to drive to work or pick up from work.  No child centered errands to run.  No evening of hearing about the perils of the daycare toddler-keeper.  It will be hard when I come across things - a book left here, a water bottle left there - all reminding me that she's no longer here.  I will probably cry more.  But then I will smile because I know that she is doing what needs to be done.  She is going for her goal.  She is making me proud.

Seriously? Are You Kidding Me?

Sorry its been a bit since I blogged.  I had some ideas for various blogs and maybe I'll revisit those in the future but what got me off my lazy ass and typing today is that my frustration level is through the roof.  If you've been following along over the last year and a half or so, my family almost adopted a young lady from a state that's Far Away.  We didn't go through with it because she had family in Far Away that claimed they wanted to adopt her.  Even if they didn't formally adopt her, we didn't feel it was right to move her to Suburbia.  (Please see previous posts for the whole heart-wrenching story.)  Well, today I found out that said family members with whom she was living have declared that they no longer want her and she has been moved to yet another foster home.  WHAT???  I can't believe we called off our adoption to keep the girl close to family that pulls this kind of crap.  You can't just change your mind like its a sweater you bought at the mall and want to return.  This is a child we are talking about here!  She is a HUMAN BEING with feelings and emotions and . . ugh!!!!!  I have spent the morning texting with her and I just don't know what I can do to help.  I thought Far Away Child Services sucked before, now they officially super suck in my book.  How could this all happen to someone who has already been through so much in life?  Where is the fairness in that?  It seems that in dealing out crappy situations that God could spread the wealth around a little bit.  So now she sits in yet another foster home and I sit here and feel helpless.  It honestly makes me want to call the Suburbia Child Services and see if the adoption attempt can be reinstated.  I don't even know if that's possible but hell, I could do a better job helping her than any of the people in Far Away could.  Maybe getting as far away from Far Away as she can would be a good thing for her.  I hate feeling helpless.  Today is the first day of my "I'm-not-employed-any-more" celebration.  If I hadn't quit, I would be at work right now but instead of enjoying it, I am in a state of mental distress over this whole thing.  I love this little girl.  Even though we didn't officially adopt her, I still consider her family.  It hurts me that another member of my "family" is hurting.  I worry about her and what she may do if she gets too depressed.  She has been through a lot in her young life - more than most of us will go through in an entire lifetime and right now I just want to scoop her up and bring her here and show her what a semi-normal, loving family is like.  Guess I'll spend the next few hours just being frustrated and depressed until hubby gets home so we can talk about this whole situation.  Fun day.  Things like whether or not to quit my job and weight loss seem so insignificant when you get the sudden view of the big picture of life as I have gotten today.   Here's hoping I can come up with a solution.

I'm Starting to Charge $1 a Mile -or- Teamwork Schmeamwork

I am the Suburbia Taxi Company.  I don't mind driving my daughter and even her friends around but it just bothers me when something happens like happened today.  My daughter was supposed to meet another girl at the school to work on a project (they are currently on Spring Break).  Anyway, my daughter gets a call from this girl two minutes before we leave saying she doesn't have a ride.  She said her dad was going to come get her but someone walked into his office at the last minute so she now had no ride.  Could we come and pick her up?  I only work part-time so that I can be here for my child when she needs me which includes rides to places.  Because I don't work full-time, we don't live in a nice big house like this girl whose parents both work full-time.  But she assumes that because I am available to take my daughter that I am available to take her too.  Maybe this is just my annoyance du jour but I was really peeved.  Once in the car, the girl took a call on her cell phone which was from her dad.  From the conversation it was evident that she had not even asked her dad for a ride until today at the time she needed it.  The problem here is my daughter didn't have the supplies to do the project herself.  Why do they even do group/partner projects anyway?  The only thing I ever learned from doing a group/partner project in school is that you can't count on the other people in the group to do what they say they will do.  Oh, I take that back.  I also learned that people like to do nothing and claim other people's work as their own to get that good grade.  My daughter just finished another project where she did the entire thing herself and the partner got an A for doing nothing.  I think teamwork should be abolished. It should be every man for himself.  Why is it that we responsible people always have to go that extra mile?

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round - Except in Suburbia

Wow!  I can't believe that January is half over and I have only blogged on here twice this month!  Having bronchitis didn't help but honestly, there hasn't been that much happening that I've felt the need to share.  I went through a bit where I didn't want to just air out my frustrations on here but when I decided not to do that I realized I didn't have much else to say.  Oh well.  I guess its back to venting my frustrations.  Today, I shall tackle the Suburbia school district.  See, their tax levy didn't pass back in November.  Their solution to saving money has been to eliminate all bus service for the high school and require all students within a two mile radius of the school to walk to the middle school.  There are plenty of other misappropriated funds that they could move around in my opinion but nobody asked me and this is what they decided upon.  Nice huh?  So now every day, I have to get up, get dressed (who am I kidding, I go in my jammies), and take the child to school.  Then in the afternoon, I have to go pick her up.  Life will continue every stinkin' day like this until she graduates in June!  That is a long way off and a heck of a lot of dropping off and picking up.  It wouldn't be that bad if she wasn't one of approximately 2,800 students getting dropped off.  This has created quite the traffic hassle.  I have to go at like 2:30 p.m. to get in place to pick her up at 3:05 p.m.  Nothing like wasting a half an hour.  But not tomorrow!  No.  Tomorrow is "Wisdom Tooth Day" mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Yes, tomorrow our daughter is getting her wisdom teeth out.  I really don't know what to expect.  My two wisdom teeth came in and then I had one removed.  Still  have the other one.  Hubby had his out as an adult.  I remember him eating lots of mashed potatoes and jello but I think I have blocked out all the bad stuff.  I am nervous by proxy for tomorrow.  I saw a piece one time on Dateline or something where this guy had his wisdom teeth out and he lost basically all of his mental capacity.  I know, I know.  That's a once in a lifetime story and I shouldn't be afraid of that actually happening but I'm a mom and that's what I do.  So tonight, we will take our non-bus-riding daughter out to eat super crunchy food for dinner and swing by the grocery to load up on jello, mashed potatoes, soup, mac & cheese, and anything else that doesn't require much chewing.  Hey, at least she'll be off school for a few days so I won't have to deal with driving her.  See, there's always a silver lining.

Angels Don't Just Grow on Trees

While in Hometown for the holiday weekend, we were out shopping.  Yes, it was on Black Friday but surprisingly it wasn't to get any of the Black Friday deals which all actually happened on Thursday night anyway.  So, we go to Wally World and I was thrilled to see that they had an angel tree in the front of the store.  An angel tree, for those that don't know, is a Christmas tree decorated with slips of paper.  Each slip of paper has the name, age and gender of a child in need on it.  You are supposed to pick a slip off of the tree and buy an age and gender appropriate toy for that child.  There are usually collection boxes around the tree.  I love doing the angel tree and it is something they don't really seem to do here in Suburbia.  I love helping those in need especially at Christmas time.  But I also make an attempt to handle my philanthropical giving on my own and not rely on charities, especially when it comes to one group - military families.  Don't get me wrong,  I'm not unpatriotic.  I appreciate all that our service men and women do for me and our country.  I just have a problem because at one point I was part of a needy military family. I even had to do Christmas by myself while my spouse was deployed.  Nobody, I repeat NOBODY, from any charity ever asked if we needed help.  Nobody offered us food or toys for our child.  Nobody even checked to make sure that I was okay handling the holiday alone as a single parent.  Holidays were hard.  Being away from family was difficult.  We managed to scrape by and our child always had presents to open on Christmas morning and there was always a holiday meal to feast on but it was usually the work of creative financial planning and going without other things that made it possible.  Could we have sought out charities and begged for a hand-out?  Yes, but there is this thing called pride that seems to get in the way.  I'm not saying people should not give to charities that benefit the military families.  This is just my personal experience.  What I am saying is to make sure that ANY charity you are giving to is actually doing what you think and they claim they are doing.  Or better yet don't rely on some corporation, even if it is non-profit, to do the work for you.  If you know a family in need, offer them help directly.  Invite them to your holiday meal.  Share your home with them to provide some company.  Take them a bag of food or some toys for their kids.  It may feel ackward and they may claim not to need it but I can guarantee you they will be thankful even if it isn't directly to your face.  If everyone just took care of their friends and neighbors like family, we wouldn't need all these hundreds of charities funneling money in a million different directions and people wouldn't get overlooked and slip through the cracks.  Show your appreciation directly to our military men and women.  Include them in your Christmas card list.  Check on their families while they are deployed.  You may make a world of difference in a person's life but rely on yourself to do it - not some middleman.

Deep Thoughts on Shallow Thinking

Today I am at a loss for words so I will simply say this:
When you feel you have been wronged, stop and think.  What if the shoe was on the other foot?  What if you were the one doing the wrong and not even realizing it?  Thinking that you are right.  I am a firm believer in the statement "you don't know until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes".  People who cannot understand this saying frustrate me most of all.  They can only see things their way which in their opinion is the right way.  Everyone has opinions.  Everyone has free will.  It is our greatest gift from God (if you believe in God which I personally do).  But what happens when your free will inflicts pain on others.  This is why we have laws and rules.  So there is not chaos and mayhem.  Imagine a world where everyone just does as they please.  Not taking anyone else into account.  Your free will is yours but you must choose to use it responsibly.  There are choices that are not necessarily socially acceptable.  Therefore, we must think of others.  We must use our free will to the greater good not necessarily the greater power of ourselves.  I am usually the first person to stand up for what I believe in but I try to do so in a way that doesn't instigate arguement.  I try to include and not exclude.  I try to be accepting and not rejecting.  I try to be positive and not negative.  I try my best.  It doesn't always work but I try.  Its when I see people not willing to try that I become aggitated.  Everyone has free will.  Everyone.  And if your choice is to isolate and distance others with it then so be it but remember, their shoes may not be as comfortable as your own.

You Want Christmas Lights ? ? ? ? ? I'll Give You Christmas Lights!

We have renters!  Yay!  You all knew that though.  But what you didn't know is that we have renters!  Boo!  They say for every dark cloud there is a silver lining.  Well, for every silver lining make sure you remember there is a dark cloud lurking somewhere close behind.  The renters moved in and we had some plumbing issues.  No fault of theirs.  We paid to have them fixed and then first few months rental income will  go straight to the plumber.  No worries.  Then on Friday, we get a list of move-in conditions from the property management company (who I thought was on our side, by the way, but I am starting to doubt this).  The list includes about six or seven things that the property management company would like to see fixed.  Ok fine.  The catch here is these are some ridiculous things.  A few we knew and they are valid but some don't even apply to our house.  The closet doors in the basement don't work.  Ok, that's probably because there are no closet doors in the basement.  The handrail on the outside stairs isn't secure.  I can see that being a problem since there is not handrail outside.  Actually, there are no stairs outside.  The back door is in bad condition.  Yes, we know this.  But the key here is when you go to look at an apartment or other rental, you have to assume that what you see is what you get.  You don't move in and immediately demand that new doors be put on the house.  I know these guys have never rented before but we thought having a property management company as a middle man would reduce the amount of crap we'd have to deal with.  Apparently, it just means we pay them 10% a month to merely pass on all the crap that's given to them.  Actually, I'm not even sure who is making these demands, the renter boys or the property management people.  Whatever.  The kitchen sink drips when you turn it off.  Hmmmm . . . never did that before but ok.  Ever hear of a washer.  I know you're renting but come on guys.  At this rate, I'm pretty sure they'll call to have someone come and replace a lightbulb when it burns out.  Maybe this rental thing wasn't such a good idea.  Come November, I'll be waiting for the e-mail requesting that they would like Christmas lights put up at our expense.  Happy Holidays!

Attention Motorists

There are some things that really get my goat.  I'm sure many of you who read this on a regular basis know that . . . well . . . a lot of things get my goat.  But still, I encountered this three times this morning so I have to say something. 

To all you drivers out there:
If you would like to turn left or right and there is a turning lane available, please use it . . . all of it.  Do not pull your car halfway into the turning lane leaving two wheels in my lane so that I have to either wait on you or risk my brand new car trying to squeeze around you.  If you are turning, COMMIT.  That's all I'm asking.  Pick a lane and stick with it.  This goes for cars and buses as well.  This means you Mr Bus Driver.  The turning lane has been put there for you to use and use correctly.  So please, try your best to use the turning lane in the manner for which it is intended.  I know it is difficult to grasp the concept of a lane just for turning - especially when there are schmucks out there who insist on driving in this lane - but I have faith in your ability.  You can do it.  Also, once in the turning lane do not swing back out into my lane in order to make said turn.  If you do, I will hit you.  That is all.

Learning Your Colors

I remember when my daughter was in first grade.  She came home from school one winter day and told me she had some big, important news.  She told me I probably should sit down for this.  I obeyed not knowing what to expect.  She sat down on the couch next to me and very seriously said, "Mom, there are black people and there are white people."  I stifled a giggle and then the irritation grew within me.  We had done so much hard work to raise our child color-blind when it came to people's skin.  We always lived in very multi-ethnic communities.  We never addressed people by the color of their skin.  It was always "The boy in the blue shirt" or "The woman with the baby".  We went to great effort to raise her to see people as people - not as colors.  Then she went to school.  First grade.  They were celebrating black history month and that's where my daughter learned about color.  (She probably would have learned it in Kindergarten but we had moved from another country during black history month of her Kindergarten year so she missed quite a bit.)  It is amazing how something with such good intentions can corrupt such wonderful innocence.  I have to say that that one moment was probably my most proud moment as a parent.  We had done it.  We had raised her color-blind - even if it was for only the first six years of her life.  Thanks American school system.  Thanks.

Postal Preparedness

Dear People of America -
I have a request.  When you wish to send someone a gift for their birthday, by all means feel free to do so.  Buy them something nice.  Wrap it up in pretty paper and tie a bow on top.  At this point in the process, whatever you do, DO NOT PROCEED TO THE POST OFFICE WITH NOTHING BUT THE WRAPPED GIFT!  It is not the responsiblity of the postal employee to find you a box or other package in which to mail said gift.  Nor is it their job to find you tape and scissors with which to continue the wrapping process.  Borrowing a pen is bad enough but let's come a little prepared here people.  And let me just say that if you do come to the post office - totally unprepared - and expect the postal worker to do your job - just to be told that you need to do things for yourself - and you leave the line with your gift to package it up properly -  DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO SKIP BACK TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE!  The rest of us came prepared and had to wait while you were given all the packing materials you needed that you should have USED AT HOME!  Get in the back of the line and wait your turn again!  You've already caused enough trouble.  True story.  I'm just sayin'.

This is the Story of a Girl who Cried a River and Drowned the Whole World

Today was one of the hardest days of my entire life.  See Monday, the social worker in Far Away was supposed to tell Frontrunner that we would not be adopting her.  Wednesday she still didn't know.  Thursday she still didn't know.  Today when she was chatting with me on the computer, she still didn't know.  I felt like I was lying by omission.  It sucked.  I had not idea when the social worker was actually going to tell her and I thought it cruel not to so I told her.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.  I spent the entire time blubbering and sobbing.  Our decision was multi-faceted but the main reason were her family ties.  Her family ties were from our point of view much stronger than we were led to believe.  Not that we wouldn’t allow a child to have any family bonds, its just that we didn’t feel right moving her over a thousand miles away from those family ties.  We don’t feel that the adjustment to a new community and school that is tremendously larger than the community and school she currently is a part of was going to go smoothly at all.  She would miss out on the personal attention that she receives in that environment.  She also had a ton of freedom and control in her current situation.  Freedom and control she would have lost by coming to live with us and our rules.  It would have felt like a prison.  It was a heart-wrenching decision but we felt it was in her best interest.  I reassured her that we love her and we really do.  I will always love her.  I am just afraid that she hates me.  Hates us.  I still want to be there for her as a support in her life but fear she will shut us out completely.  I am grieving this loss and have no interest in looking for another child to adopt.  I feel like a mean, heartless monster.  I just hope some day she can forgive me.  Great, I’m crying again.

Bibbidee-bobbidee-boo!

Well, after a very tiring weekend, we are finally home safe and sound.  This weekend included two emergency shopping trips, an emergency hair consultation, a meeting with the guardian ad lidem for Frontrunner, a college graduation party that made us feel really old, preparations for prom including nails, hair and make-up, prom pictures, dinner, prom, after prom, a trip to Pennsylvania, a baby baptism and reception, two . . . wait no . . . three runs through a deluge of rain, a campus tour, a hotel stay, and dinner with the parents.  When you spell it all out like that its no wonder I'm so tired.  I have never been so busy, tired, and wet in my life.  But I am happy.  I am an official, unofficial Fairy Godmummy.  My brother Uncle Fabulous (formerly Uncle Crazy) and his wife Aunt Fabulous asked me to be a Godmother to Baby Fabulous.  After much strife involving the Catholic church and their disappointment that neither I nor Aunt Fab's sister had a penis, it was decided that I would be a Godmummy - just not on the official Catholic books.  Which is fine by me.  I'm not exactly a facebook friend of the Catholic church or anything although technically I am still a registered parishoner at St. Up-the-street's.  I was included in the ceremony just like the Godparents who are on the up and up.  But the important thing is that Baby Fab will know me as Fairy Godmummy.  And after all, isn't the child the important thing here.  Isn't it her soul that is the focus and not what we had to do to humor the Catholic church.  And what more could I want.  I held her, kissed her, fed her, burped her and when she poohed, I gave her back.  Ah, there is nothing sweeter than getting all the perks without the work.  God bless you Baby Fab!  I'll make sure you know to get home before midnight!

Would You Like Fries With That?

It is Good Friday and I am starving.  Why am I fasting if I consider myself agnostic?  Because some bad habits are hard to break.  There is still that little tiny bit of catholic fear in me that makes me fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  I also give up something for lent and don't eat meat on Fridays in lent as well.  I have no idea why the catholic church has such a stranglehold on me.  I guess years of guilt and fear can have that kind of effect on a person.  I really need to do some research on these religious traditions and find out why we do these crazy things.  Why is there no meat eating on Fridays in lent but seafood can be indulged in in mass quantities?  I can go out and have lobster but a burger is off limits.  I don't remember any burning bush recommending that one.  I understand the sacrifice of giving something up for lent.  That's why I do it.  However, I don't think Jesus is going to unfriend me if I dare to have the forbidden candy, gum, chocolate or whatever weakness you are supposed to be standing firmly against.  It was the church that made up these rules.  I'm sure they had their reasons, but are their reasons really relevant?  If anything, their reasons are to get butts in pews and dollars in the collection plate.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Religion as an institution is a man-driven force.  While my faith in God is unwavering, my faith in a mortal to be responsible for directing my soul to heaven is.  Ok.  I just saw on the news that there is a church offering drive-thru communion for Easter.  That's right people.  Punch your time card so you can get into heaven.  Smile big as you drive away knowing that the wafer in your mouth is your ticket to paradise.  Who cares if you live your life your way the other six days of the week?  You got your communion and you didn't even have to leave the car.  Instead of sitting in a man-made building with man-made decorations on Easter morning, we go out into God's creation, nature, and watch the sunrise, another one of God's creations.  There is just something about what we do that makes me feel closer to God than any sermon ever will.  I put in my face time with God, not the other parishoners.  Look out hell.  Here I come.

Stay

Its Sunday afternoon and I am sad.  Hubby has to leave tomorrow for a business trip.  He will be gone till Wednesday night.  Not a long trip this time but time away from us nonetheless.  I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman but in reality, I'm not.  I have to admit - I hate it when he has to go away.  I hate sleeping alone.  I hate having nobody to call during the day.  I hate not having him here period.  My depression doesn't help the situation.  I am a spoiled girl.  I like to get what I want when I want it.  I like to have control over all aspects of my life.  But on this front, I don't.  I hate the actual traveling part.  I worry about him on those planes.  I once heard that flying was basically a building on its side thrown from place to place.  I don't like to think of it that way but its really the truth.  Not much reassurance when you think about it.  I especially hate when he travels to a location that is on a different time schedule than us here in Suburbia.  Its hard to connect and talk on the phone when there is a time difference.  I can't sleep without him here.  I toss and turn.  I watch television and just lie there but I don't sleep.  Makes facing the next day even harder.  The evenings won't be too bad.  Our daughter does not have practice this week so she will keep me company in the second half of the day.  I work on Tuesday so that will help a little.  I just feel a little lost without him here.  I know that its corny but I feel like a part of me is missing.  But I will be, as we say in my family, a big brave dog.  I will deal and cope with what I cannot change.  I will miss him until he returns.  Then I will be happy again.  And one Pandora bead richer.

Grow Up Already

I hate bullies.  You'd think that I mean the type of bully who pushes other kids down on the playground.  While I do indeed hate that type of bully too, I'm talking about adult bullies.  When you're growing up and you encounter bullies you can't wait to be an adult but what you don't realize is that there are bullies in the adult world too.  They are much more manipulative than the sort of physical abuse that young bullies resort to.  Instead they will use their words and their passive aggressive tactics to reign supreme over others.  I encountered one of these such bullies today.  I had sent her an email telling her that she couldn't have what she wanted and within ten minutes my phone rang.  She was overbearing and aggressive.  I tried to stand my ground while she tried to get information she wasn't entitled to.  I hung up the phone wondering what just happened.  I was now following her instructions instead of those I was hired to follow.  She wanted me doing things that were not my job and I was miffed.  After calling my boss and venting for a few minutes, I found a way to turn the situation around so she would be following our rules.  The thing is how many people would have just gone and done everything she asked for to avoid further conflict.  That shouldn't happen.  It's the adult equivalent of being pushed down on the playground.  If you work or play with an adult bully, don't take their crap.  Stand up for yourself no matter how hard it may be.  If they are making your life miserable, who knows how many other people feel the same way.  Adult bullies need to be stopped as well.  The first step is recognizing them.  Once you recognize them, it will be much easier to remind them that you too have a life, you too have responsibilities, and you too are worth something.  You are not just there for their ribbing and exploitation.  If you are doing the work and not getting the credit, speak up.  If you feel pushed around and unheard, speak up.  Don't let the bullies get the best of you.  Be a good example to the youth of today.  Don't be a bully.  The sad thing is my bully today is an official in an organization shaping the youth of today into the leaders of tomorrow. 

Ketchup

Gotcha!  The title was interesting so you thought "How can she possibly have an entire blog posting about ketchup?".  Wrong.  Today I've decided to do a little "ketchup" to update you on some things I have posted about in the past.  This should bring you up to speed:

-  We have found insurance for our vacant property through a different company.  We were contacted by our Nationwide agent after the holidays at which point he told us they had an underwriter who would gladly handle our needs.  We asked for a quote.  Four days later, he called again while we were out.  He left a message (at closing time on a Friday) but no quote and then wished us a Happy Holidays even though it was nearing mid-January.  This just confirmed for us that they don't care, they don't want our business, and they don't look at the calendar.  We never received a quote in the mail.  We did receive a phone call a few days AFTER our drop date.  They tried to sell us life insurance.  If you have Nationwide Insurance through our former agent, you have my pity.  (See "Insuring a Perfect Holiday")

-  We are headed this Friday to our interview at the other county's social services place.  I don't know if I really want to be doing this or not.  It feels like a commitment even though I know that we can still say no if we want.  Just not looking forward to going in there and defending myself from the attack that is sure to happen.  We have a few other leads we are following that we are more interested in and look more promising.  I will be sure to medicate before the interview. (See "Under the Microscope" and "Moving On, Hanging Out and Trying to Look Up")

-  I am sick of snow.  After a few more snow storms and an ice storm, I am ready for winter to be over.  Luckily, during the ice storm we did not lose our power but we did lose our cable which is enough to make you lose your mind.  After reading, stitching, scrapbooking, playing Wii, playing games and watching movies, we were out of ideas.  We tried to be thankful that we still had power but it was hard to feel good about our situation without the TV to show us people in even worse situations.  The news may be full of negativity but it sure makes you feel good about your own life.  (See "I'm Dreaming of a White Tuesday)

-  Not all children in foster care exclusively love horses.  Most love dolphins as well.  While the horses seem a constant staple, the dolphins appear to be growing in popularity.  I am all for this since I don't recall being allergic to dolphins.  Not that I've really had the chance to find out, but I've been to Sea World and didn't sneeze even once.  Anyway, I'm going to emphasize my family's love of dolphins in the hopes of distracting from the fact that I don't have a horse . . . or a trampoline.  (See "Wanted: Family - Must LOVE Horses")

 -  After much internal wrestling with the subject, I mellowed out a bit on "the song" from the show.  I had to do some coercing of Hubby to get him to accept going to the show, but eventually he did.  So we all went to see the show and heard "the song".  Some of the subject matter was a bit adult oriented.  I'm not sure our daughter got all of the jokes and if she did - I don't want to know.  The show was hilarious and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  Overall, it was a nice afternoon out - even with the erection.  (See "Sex Education: The Musical Version" and "Sex Education: The Musical Version - The Sequel")

So that's about all there is.  If I have forgotten to update you on something and you are interested in hearing more about it, just comment on this posting and I will try to catch you up even more.  Until next time, enjoy your ketchup.

Sex Education: The Musical Version - The Sequel

As many of you will remember from my January 13, 2011 post "Sex Education: The Musical Version", I was rather furious with City Playhouse for their lack of a warning on a musical being performed there.  The musical contained a song about a specific private male bodily function to put it mildly.  I was not sure I was comfortable with my daughter hearing this song so I sent them an e-mail asking that they send me my tickets so that I could either sell them or give them away.  After nearly two weeks without hearing anything, I got Hubby to call the box office and find out what was happening.  He explained that we wouldn't be able to attend the performance and City Playhouse quickly offered to cancel our tickets and issue us gift certificates for a future show.  Great!  This was a wonderful solution!  So we waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and yesterday in the mail we got . . . (wait for it) . . . OUR TICKETS!  Not gift certificates as promised but our tickets!  Hubby no longer wanted to go and I couldn't go without him even though I had mellowed out to the show content.  With four days to go before the performance, the likelihood of us finding someone to buy/take the tickets seemed slim to none.  Our daughter was busy through this whole incident texting her BFF with a blow by blow description of our dilemma.  Then BFF told her mother and they offered to buy the two adult tickets.  Cool!  We unloaded them at a price of two for one.  Now with only a student ticket left we were considering our options when BFF invited my daughter to join her mom and her with the extra student ticket.  Nice.  Thanks BFF.  Torn on whether the content would bother her, I allowed my daughter  to listen to said song on the computer to see her reaction.  Naive mother that I am, she was totally okay with it (there were even a few giggles).  So now on Sunday, Hubby and I will sit at home while our daughter goes with BFF and her mom to the show with the song that I didn't want her to hear in the first place.  Ironic ain't it?