Warning: Wild Animals on the Loose

Most people encounter wild raccoons or similar undomesticated animals in their neighborhoods.  Me, I live in Suburbia.  Believe it or not, twice within the past month, I have encountered (not that I live in a posh area or anything) wild pure bred poodles.  Poodles.  Just romping along the roadside.  I would have thought had I just seen one that it may have run away but what are the odds of seeing two runaway poodles in the same month.  That is all I have to say today and I'm pretty sure that is all that I need to say.  Nothing in depth.  No serious thoughts to ponder.  I just had to share.  Have a good day.

All I Want for Christmas is a Detached Retina

Its the new year!  Yay!  I was going to talk about how this year will be "The Year of Change" for me but upon further consideration I have decided to go with this humorous Christmas happening in the hopes of prolonging everyone's Christmas spirit.  See, in keeping with the foreign tradition that we started when we lived overseas, we always leave one present in our daughter's room at the foot of her bed for Christmas morning.  So, it was Christmas morning, like super early, and I got out of bed to pee.  I noticed on the way to the bathroom that the gift, a pillow pet, that we placed in her room was missing so I assumed that she had gotten up at some point in the night, found it, and had taken it back to bed with her.  Anyway, I did my business and headed back to my bed but couldn't get back to sleep even though it was still dark and silent.  I had my eyes closed to rub some sleep out of them and when I opened them - FLASH!  "What the hell was that?"  Then I remembered hearing on some medical show at some point in time that if you got a detached retina, you would see bright white flashes prior to going blind.  "Ok.  Remain calm.  I'm sure it was a one off thing and you were just pressing on your eyes too hard."  FLASH!  "Oh shit!  It happened again!  Great!  Its Christmas and what do I get - a detached retina!  Wonderful!  I'll be blind for Christmas!  Just my luck!  Perfect timing!  Way to ruin Christmas for everyone!"  In a panic, I get up and head to the bathroom again - only this time I hear a small voice say "Merry Christmas."  It was my daughter in her room.  Come to find out she was taking flash pictures of her new pillow pet with her newly-rediscovered-after-being-lost-for-three-months camera.  The morals of the story - if you see white flashes, make sure nobody around you is taking pictures before rushing off to the emergency room AND pillow pets make great gifts for people of all ages.  Next year, pillow pets and eye check-ups for everyone on my gift list!

More Adventures of Clueless Me

Well, I did it again.  This morning I took my daughter to the dentist for a cleaning.  Everything went fine and we don't even have to worry about the dreaded wisdom teeth.  At least not yet.  We said good-bye to the receptionist, walked out the door, got in the car and nothing.  The car wouldn't start and it was completely my fault.  You may ask how this was my fault.  Allow me to explain.  See when I pulled in the parking space I had to turn the steering wheel and I didn't straighten the steering wheel back out before putting it in park and cutting the ignition.  For some unknown reason, doing this renders the car completely useless.  I tried turning the steering wheel to the right to straighten out the wheels but with the car turned off that was next to impossible.  I tried hanging on the steering wheel to the right.  I tried using my legs and my arms to turn it to the right.  I had my daughter help me try to turn it to the right.  There was no way to straighten out the wheels and get the car to start.  Of all places to be stuck on a chilly, now raining morning.  I mean, I like my dentist but not enough to just hang around the office for the heck of it.  I reluctantly surrendered and called my hubby who works five minutes down the road to come to my rescue.  While waiting for him to arrive, we tried again and again to straighten those wheels by turning the steering wheel to the right to no avail.  We discussed how there was no solution to the problem other than lifting the front of the car off of the ground so we could straighten the wheels.  But neither of us having Herculean strength, that was not really an option.  Hubby arrived with a smile on his face, hopped in the car and started it.  That's right it started right up!  I was thrilled.  I was in awe.  I was severely embarrassed when he explained to me that he had turned the wheel to the left.  Sometimes I amaze myself with my lack of common sense.  :)

Rock Sunday

While living in rural England about a decade ago, we decided one Sunday morning that we wanted to go see some of the typical tourist spots.  We decided to go to Avebury stone circle, Stonehenge, and Salisbury Cathedral.  We informed our daughter who was about four years old at the time, that we would be taking a long car trip to visit Stonehenge.  She asked what Stonehenge was and we explained that it was a bunch of large stones in a circle.  Well, like any normal four year old she began to whine and complain about driving over an hour just to see some rocks.  "Well, if you don't want to celebrate Rock Sunday," I said.  "What's Rock Sunday?" she inquired now curious.  I explained that it was a British holiday to celebrate rocks and on that day all of the British people visit stone circles and such.  And just like that, SHE BOUGHT IT.  Oh, we had a glorious Rock Sunday.  We climbed on the rocks at Avebury and bought souvenirs at the Stonehenge gift shop.  (Yes, Stonhenge has a gift shop.  Commercialism at its finest.)  We attempted to visit an old fort but decided against it when we saw the entrance fee.  The fort was carved into a hill so there were lots of rocks there to take our daughters picture with.  But when we got to the cathedral, our daughter questioned why we were there.  There weren't any rocks.  Luckily the cathedral was undergoing renovations.  As we left the beautiful structure, I quickly pointed out the "Falling Rocks" warning sign on the scaffolding near the church.  Oh, she said in a knowing, pre-school way.  Overall, the day was a wonderful experience.  It wasn't until she was much older that we told her it was a ploy and Rock Sunday didn't really exist.  I think there was a little part of her that was crushed when she learned that.  But Rock Sunday will forever live on in our hearts and memories.  So to all of my British friends - Happy Rock Sunday.  May you be blessed with sweetly naive children :)

I See London, I See France

I worry about our budget.  I also worry about losing weight.  So eating out at a Mexican restaurant is not the best idea I've ever come up with.  Little did I know that these two things would be the least of my worries.  We all piled in the car on what was a tremendously gorgeous day and headed to the local Mexican restaurant.  The sun was shining and there was a warm breeze blowing.  You couldn't have asked for a nicer day.  We arrived at the restaurant and parked our car.  I opened the car door as the wind picked up and . . . well . . . my skirt blew up somewhere around shoulder height.  There was nowhere to hide.  Luckily the restaurant has few windows and nobody inside saw.  Luckily there was nobody in the parking lot to see.  Unluckily, the restaurant is on the busiest streets in the entire city.  I tried my best to get control of the . . . um . . . situation but was only successful in holding down the front of my skirt.  Meanwhile, Hubby, in an effort to help me, I think, was rapidly poking me in the ass with his car keys.  He later claimed that he was trying to get the skirt down but it really felt like I was being assaulted.  I sat down and waited for the wind to die down and when it appeared to, I stood up again.  The key words there being "appeared to".  In fact it had not died down at all and the traffic whizzing by got a nice shot of my purple undies.  As a reflex, I again held down the front of the skirt and pressed my backside against the car to block the view.  Yeah, cars have windows about butt height.  So now I was basically panty-mooning everyone through my car door.  I finally was able to get things under control and walked bent in half holding my skirt with both hands into the restaurant.  It's ok.  Go ahead.  Laugh. 
The moral of the story:  Don't go out for Mexican on a Thurday :)

Oh Boy Santa!

Funny Flashback -
About a decade ago, we lived in rural England.  Having moved there in the summer and realizing we would be limited in our "Santa" options, my hubby and I made the best with what we could find come November and December.  Our daughter, who was three years old at the time, wasn't really raised with gender specific roles so we thought she'd be open to anything.  One of the gifts we selected for her was a Hot Wheels race track.  We happily stayed up late Christmas Eve wrapping the gifts rather proud of ourselves for accomplishing Christmas in a foreign land with limited resources.  The morning came and wouldn't you know that the first present our daughter opened was that Hot Wheels track.  She excitedly tore the paper off of it.  Upon seeing what it was, she threw it down on the floor and proclaimed in tears "Santa thinks I'm a BOY!!!!!"  After much reassurance, a few more gifts, and mom and dad "playing" with the "oh-so-fun" track and cars, she recovered and a wonderful Christmas was had by all, but we were left with a memory we will never forget :)

Mortality Mix-up

Funny Flashback -
A bunch of years ago when our daughter was maybe 9 or 10, we got a new restaurant in Suburbia.  So we set out to the Chipotle in search of a tasty meal.  Upon arriving, we got in line to wait for our turn to order.  Then we noticed an employee coming down the line speaking with all of the customers.  When he got to us. he stated that he was very sorry but their rice cooker had died.  We were more than welcome to stay and eat but our burritos would be riceless.  Hubby and I talked it over and decided what's a burrito without the rice and chose to go elsewhere.  Upon returning to the car, our daughter stated how happy she was that we didn't stay and eat at Chipotle.  "Why?" we asked.  "Because I don't want to eat somewhere with a dead guy in the back," she answered.  After much confusion we finally realized that when we were told that the rice cooker had died, she thought the man who was cooking the rice in the back of the restaurant had kicked the bucket.  We informed her that it was the machine that cooks the rice that died but we still laugh about her mix-up to this day.  Love you baby girl!