Hold on to Your Cookies

Ladies and Gentlmen, welcome to our ride.  Please keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times.  Stay seated and do not remove your safety harness.  We are glad you are here and hope that you enjoy your ride on the Adoption Roller Coaster.

Yes, that's actually what it feels like.  I'm not kidding.  Yesterday, I was in total gloomsville after being turned down for one child after another.  Today, I am high as a kite.  Yesterday, late afternoon, I spoke to the social worker for our front-runner.  She was ecstatic to hear from me and was thrilled to hear that we are still interested.  We set up a date for a "Family Team Meeting" where us, our worker, her worker, her foster parents, and her therapist will all have a conference call about the front-runner.  Then we will review a presentation notebook that is basically everything you ever wanted to know about front-runner but were afraid to ask.  If we are still in it for the long haul after that one, then the social worker, the therapist, and foster parents sit front runner down and tell her they have a family for her.  I think she will be happy.  Once she finds out we are approximately 20 hours away in Suburbia maybe not so much.  But that is what her team is there for.  They are there to help her understand that this is a good thing.  If she is ok with everything, then we start visits and she will eventually move in with us.  So even though we could hit a snag somewhere along the way, it is looking very good for us.  So at the moment I am on cloud nine.  I am relishing this time in heaven for fear I come crashing back down to earth with another disappointment.  Up and down.  Up and down. Upside down and inside out.  With each phone call, we are whipped one direction and then another.  When you get off this ride, you are definitely ready to toss your cookies. 

Another One Bites the Dust . . . and . . . Another . . . and . . . Well . . . You Can See Where This is Going

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!  Now that the lovey-dovey stuff is out of the way, let's get on with this. 

After reading our front-runners background information on Wednesday, we are still interested in her.  I called her worker Thursday morning and afternoon leaving messages both times.

We had our meeting on Friday with another county's social services agency.  It went condially.  We went.  It was pointed out to us why we would not be a good match.  My faults were pointed out.  Just mine.  We requested more information about the girl.  We never got it.  We decided that she is not the girl for us and they are not the agency we want to work with.  Oh well, officially cross another one off of the list.  Meanwhile, we waited for a call back from front-runners worker.  I left two more messages that afternoon.

The weekend passed.  Our daughter had two winter guard competitions and personally did well.  As for the group, not so much.  Let's just say they have yet to crack the top three places.  We are holding out hope for their big trip next weekend out of state.  All weekend we tried to put it out of our minds because we knew there was no reason for us to even hope that she would call till Monday.

And so we arrive here at Monday.  I have called twice already and gotten her voicemail which says she will be out the 10th of February and will return calls the next day.  I didn't leave another message because I don't want to appear stalker-creepy.  I know they are busy but we are waiting.  That child is waiting.  So much hangs in the balance.  This morning there was a placement meeting for one of the other girls we had inquired about.  They determined they cannot place her with us because of her special needs and my anxiety and prescribed medication.  What is that supposed to mean?  Oh heck no, I don't feel discriminated against because of my "disability".  No worries.  I won't spend the afternoon trying to feel like its not my fault that we aren't being considered.  I wonder if Hubby was adopting on his own if he'd have a child by now?  Seriously.  Oh well, officially cross another one off the list.  So I wait.  Anxiously.  When I'm done posting this, I will send an email to our front-runner's worker.  Maybe we'll get through that way.  In the meantime I'll feel like crap because I am obviously a big part of the reason why they won't place a child with us. 

This process is excruciating.

Innards Peace

We got the background information on the girl we are most interested in today and there's nothing in there that would make me say no.  So many others had a "yeah but" or a "well" that made me . . . or rather us . . . hesitate.  It was exactly the opposite as I thought it would happen.  I thought I would see a picture and know in my gut.  Instead, I saw a picture and thought "she's cute" but there's got to be a catch.  Maybe I had just been let down too many times to allow myself to get in too deep.  I never got my hopes up.  I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  There had to be a hitch.  There had to be something that would make us say no.  But so far, there's not.  Its difficult, but I'm still trying not to fall in love with her.  I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong.  I haven't accepted the fact that there may be nothing wrong.  My gut is telling me to approach with caution.  But I need to remember that my gut is wrong a lot of the time.  I have to learn to listen to my gut . . . and then run in the other direction.  My gut is telling me to be on guard.  My gut is not telling me that this is positively the right one for us and that could very likely mean she IS the right one for us. Maybe I should get a gut transplant.  One that's a little more accurate.  Until then I just have to do the opposite of what it tells me.  If only my heart and my brain could talk to my gut and convince it there is nothing to be afraid of.  Why can't my organs communicate with one another?  If there was harmony amongst my insides then I feel I could experience peace in this life changing situation.

Ketchup

Gotcha!  The title was interesting so you thought "How can she possibly have an entire blog posting about ketchup?".  Wrong.  Today I've decided to do a little "ketchup" to update you on some things I have posted about in the past.  This should bring you up to speed:

-  We have found insurance for our vacant property through a different company.  We were contacted by our Nationwide agent after the holidays at which point he told us they had an underwriter who would gladly handle our needs.  We asked for a quote.  Four days later, he called again while we were out.  He left a message (at closing time on a Friday) but no quote and then wished us a Happy Holidays even though it was nearing mid-January.  This just confirmed for us that they don't care, they don't want our business, and they don't look at the calendar.  We never received a quote in the mail.  We did receive a phone call a few days AFTER our drop date.  They tried to sell us life insurance.  If you have Nationwide Insurance through our former agent, you have my pity.  (See "Insuring a Perfect Holiday")

-  We are headed this Friday to our interview at the other county's social services place.  I don't know if I really want to be doing this or not.  It feels like a commitment even though I know that we can still say no if we want.  Just not looking forward to going in there and defending myself from the attack that is sure to happen.  We have a few other leads we are following that we are more interested in and look more promising.  I will be sure to medicate before the interview. (See "Under the Microscope" and "Moving On, Hanging Out and Trying to Look Up")

-  I am sick of snow.  After a few more snow storms and an ice storm, I am ready for winter to be over.  Luckily, during the ice storm we did not lose our power but we did lose our cable which is enough to make you lose your mind.  After reading, stitching, scrapbooking, playing Wii, playing games and watching movies, we were out of ideas.  We tried to be thankful that we still had power but it was hard to feel good about our situation without the TV to show us people in even worse situations.  The news may be full of negativity but it sure makes you feel good about your own life.  (See "I'm Dreaming of a White Tuesday)

-  Not all children in foster care exclusively love horses.  Most love dolphins as well.  While the horses seem a constant staple, the dolphins appear to be growing in popularity.  I am all for this since I don't recall being allergic to dolphins.  Not that I've really had the chance to find out, but I've been to Sea World and didn't sneeze even once.  Anyway, I'm going to emphasize my family's love of dolphins in the hopes of distracting from the fact that I don't have a horse . . . or a trampoline.  (See "Wanted: Family - Must LOVE Horses")

 -  After much internal wrestling with the subject, I mellowed out a bit on "the song" from the show.  I had to do some coercing of Hubby to get him to accept going to the show, but eventually he did.  So we all went to see the show and heard "the song".  Some of the subject matter was a bit adult oriented.  I'm not sure our daughter got all of the jokes and if she did - I don't want to know.  The show was hilarious and we thoroughly enjoyed it.  Overall, it was a nice afternoon out - even with the erection.  (See "Sex Education: The Musical Version" and "Sex Education: The Musical Version - The Sequel")

So that's about all there is.  If I have forgotten to update you on something and you are interested in hearing more about it, just comment on this posting and I will try to catch you up even more.  Until next time, enjoy your ketchup.

Mix It Up

I have made a recent rediscovery.  I love music.  I'm not talking about turning on the radio in the car and singing along with whatever happens to be on.  I'm talking about finding those old favorites, digging them out and dusting them off.  Reconnect with yourself through music.  Remember who you are.  For most people, who they are is easily reflected in the music they like.  Find those songs that, as far as you're concerned, just won't ever be out of style.  Make a collection.  Remember the old mix tape?  Remember sitting there with the cassette recorder trying to get the perfect mix?  Getting that seamless line up where the songs flow and aren't all disjointed.  I have made some mix CDs recently and I am so loving them.  I have one of upbeat stuff and one of mellow stuff and one of my top favs.  So I encourage you to get in touch with yourself through melodies, rhythms and lyrics.  You'll be surprised the memories and the moods they evoke.  If you're looking for something new, here's my current top ten.  What's yours?

10.  And So It Goes - Billy Joel
9.  Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
8.  The Way - Fastball
7.  Human - The Killers
6.  I Want Love - Elton John
5.  Santa Monica - Everclear
4.  One of God's Better People - Robbie Williams
3.  Just a Girl - No Doubt
2.  Good Riddance - Green Day
1.  Gravity - Sara Bareilles

Happy Listening!

Sex Education: The Musical Version - The Sequel

As many of you will remember from my January 13, 2011 post "Sex Education: The Musical Version", I was rather furious with City Playhouse for their lack of a warning on a musical being performed there.  The musical contained a song about a specific private male bodily function to put it mildly.  I was not sure I was comfortable with my daughter hearing this song so I sent them an e-mail asking that they send me my tickets so that I could either sell them or give them away.  After nearly two weeks without hearing anything, I got Hubby to call the box office and find out what was happening.  He explained that we wouldn't be able to attend the performance and City Playhouse quickly offered to cancel our tickets and issue us gift certificates for a future show.  Great!  This was a wonderful solution!  So we waited . . . and waited . . . and waited . . . and yesterday in the mail we got . . . (wait for it) . . . OUR TICKETS!  Not gift certificates as promised but our tickets!  Hubby no longer wanted to go and I couldn't go without him even though I had mellowed out to the show content.  With four days to go before the performance, the likelihood of us finding someone to buy/take the tickets seemed slim to none.  Our daughter was busy through this whole incident texting her BFF with a blow by blow description of our dilemma.  Then BFF told her mother and they offered to buy the two adult tickets.  Cool!  We unloaded them at a price of two for one.  Now with only a student ticket left we were considering our options when BFF invited my daughter to join her mom and her with the extra student ticket.  Nice.  Thanks BFF.  Torn on whether the content would bother her, I allowed my daughter  to listen to said song on the computer to see her reaction.  Naive mother that I am, she was totally okay with it (there were even a few giggles).  So now on Sunday, Hubby and I will sit at home while our daughter goes with BFF and her mom to the show with the song that I didn't want her to hear in the first place.  Ironic ain't it?

Fit . . . Fat . . . What's One Little Vowel?

I hate to use the word hate so I will start off by saying I have a strong dislike for my birthday gift from last year.  I requested (well, more like begged for it) and received a Wii Fit plus to go with our Wii.  This was going to make me healthy.  This was going to get me active.  This has done nothing but lower my self-esteem.  I no longer refer to it as the Wii Fit.  I call it the Wii Fat because that's what it calls me every time I get on it.  It does some measurements and calculations and basically tells me I'm obese.  What do I mean basically, I mean literally.  The machine makes my little avatar plump up and says "You're obese".  Oh yeah, this sounds like fun.  I wanna go first - not.  There is nothing about this activity that makes me want to participate.  I'm just waiting for the day that I step on and it tells me to please step back off because I'm too heavy.  There is nothing motivating about a computer humiliating you repeatedly.  Its upsetting.  So what's a girl to do.  My big plan of choreographing an exercise routine has fallen through.  I tried a website called FitDay where you enter what you've eaten and your activity to help you burn more calories than you input.  That lasted all of three days.  I have a lot to do in my life and it just so happens that most of it has to be done sitting down.  I can't finish stitching the blanket for my brother's baby while jogging.  I can't write a letter while jumping rope.  The problem here is, and I'm sure many of you can relate to this, I just can't find the time to exercise.  I guess I have to schedule it in and commit to doing it.  I am a stubborn, competitive girl.  I can do this.  (I think I already made this promise in a previous post.)  I can prove the Wii Fat wrong.  I think I'll start . . . maybe tomorrow.  Yeah, I'll start tomorrow . . . or the next day at the latest but definitely at the latest.  :)