Billie Joe Armstrong is My Idol (Title Has No Relation to my Post I'm Just Singing Green Day on Guitar Hero While Trying to Come Up with a Title)

I went to my therapy appointment today and it went well.  I was so scared that she was going to be angry with me for buying the wrong book but she wasn't and if she was, she didn't let me know it.  The workbook I have is on Dialectical Behavior Therapy.  She said she didn't know much about it but she had heard good things.  I'm on page 40 so I think its going well.  Most things would have lost my attention by page 10.  But this I'm finding interesting.  It is reminding me that not everything I do is negative.  There are some good things to me.  That's what I have to do for my next therapy session next Friday - make a list of good things about me.  It'll be tough.  I'm not really one to see the good in things let alone myself.  But the book is helping.  And believe it or not, today's therapy session helped too.  I was convinced that it wouldn't.  Actually, I was convinced that my therapist was a puppy kicking, hair pulling bully.  But she's not.  She is nice.  I don't know why I tend to villify everyone.  Ok, so maybe not everyone.  Just her mostly.  But I did do it.  I wish I wouldn't.  I wish I could go through life with lollipops and rainbows like my hubby.  But I must be true to myself and until I've gone through enough therapy with Dr. Not-Cruella-Deville to learn differently I guess I will continue to villify someone most of the time.  I mean what good is a story without a villian.  I'll try to limit it to one person at a time.  Now, I just have to call that kitten punching, shin kicking chick who is going to fix my blue-green hair color.  I'm sure in reality she's really sweet.

Suburban Scare

I am kind of freaking out at the moment.  I know - so what's new with that?  But I am seriously serious this time.  Not that I'm not serious any other time but . . . ok, to the point.  I just got an e-mail from my daughter's school saying that a threat has been made on a bathroom wall by an unknown person that states that "something" will happen at the school on Friday.  What?  You send me this in an e-mail?  This is serious stuff people.  I'm hoping like everyone else that it is just a hoax but in today's world, you cannot afford to think that way.  The e-mail said they are taking it seriously and are upping the police presence at the school this week but that really doesn't help me to feel any better.  I want to go to the school right now and pick my daughter up and home school her for the rest of the year.  I'm assuming that the kids don't know yet because as of my dropping her off this morning she had no clue but then again neither did I.  Why weren't we told of this yesterday if they found it after school!  Why wait till all the children are at the school and at risk the next day to let everyone know.  Probably because they were too busy with their levy last night.  I don't know.  I'm just still kind of freaking out.  I've talked to a few friends but its hard to understand until its your kid in the face of possible danger.  When you see things like this on the tv, they almost don't seem real.  You think "what is this world coming to?" but its the world out there not the world in here.  This time it is my kid.  This time it is my community.  This time it hits home.  I just checked some of the social networking sites and they are talking about it.  It is supposed to be a school shooting that will happen.  Great.  No school for my daughter tomorrow or Friday.  I'll be keeping her home.  Call me paranoid but if you get a warning wouldn't you heed it?  I'm having enough trouble not putting my coat on right now and going over and getting her out of school.  But she's there.  And I'm trying to trust that she is safe.  But once she is home I'm not giving her back.  This when there was just a facebook posting about a potential shooting planned at the middle school yesterday.  With that threat, they evacuated the school and diverted busses.  With this one, they wait and let the kids come to school.  Doesn't make sense to me.  Seems that a second threat in as many days would warrant a more cautious approach.  I don't know what they're thinking.  Unfortunately for this post I have no witty ending.  Let's just hope in reality its a happy ending.

Mouse Versus Master's

I got my hair cut last night and now you can really see the blue . . . I mean green, I guess.  Apparently when you put aqua blue over blond you get green.  Go figure.  I guess I learned that in elementary school.  Yellow and blue make green.  Just never thought of it in relation to hair before.  Anyway, I'm sitting on my couch typing this blog post watching a reality tattoo show.  I'm on my new laptop.  I am excited but I'm also thinking this may not be the best thing for me.  I may never leave my couch now.  I'm also having a love/hate relationship with the program that is on.  I love tattoos.  I want more tattoos.  But a couple years ago I had a doc tell me that I should never, ever get another one. He said with all of my allergies it wouldn't be a good idea and could very well make my immune system go crazy.  I had to ask one more time, so I checked with my current doc and he said the same thing.  Boooooo!  No more tatts for me :(  So I will relish my one and covet the sleeves and body artwork of others.  I am also at the moment trying to figure out a way to get to Orlando for cheap.  Since Hubby is headed that way for work, I figured if we just tack a vacation onto the beginning of it (its our daughter's spring break), it saves us the airfare for one person since his company will pick up his tab.  We have the money.  That's not really the problem.  The problem lies in that money should really go toward our daughter's education.  Especially considering that at one of the universities she was considering, our bill would be $17000 after any and all aid including her loans!  Yikes!  Sucks to be working middle class.  You get squat when it comes to higher education. It has kind of put me in the mindset of "we'll never get that much so why try?"  I have one more idea as to how to get her education funded but I'm not letting that feline out of the sack until it is over and done with and either successful or not.  So I will crunch numbers and search Kayak.com and weigh out the benefits of Mickey Mouse versus her Master's.  There really isn't much more to report from my couch.  Hey, now that I can compute from my favorite rear rest, I think maybe I'll write that novel that's in my head.  Once upon a time . . . there was this girl who never left her couch . . . except to go to Orlando :)

Long Time, No Blog

Hello there stranger!  It's been some time hasn't it?  I let myself get into a bit of an insecure funk and couldn't bring myself to blog but hopefully I'm back - at least no more breaks of longer than a month.  I can't believe that I didn't blog even once in February.  It must have been a much bigger funk than I thought it was.  Oh well, you can't go back and change what's in the past.  You can only change what will happen in the future with your actions of the present.  Wow.  Pretty profound for me dontcha think?  I continue to drive my daughter to school and pick her up everyday.  Tomorrow is Super Tuesday (although they really should call it Pain-in-the-Ass Tuesday with all the political crap that's everywhere you turn) and we get to vote on the tax levy again tomorrow.  Not that that will change anything for this year.  I shouldn't really complain.  It gets my butt out of the house each weekday at least twice - once fully dressed, no jamas!  Super Tuesday is really bumming me out though.  My phone rings ten times a day and each time I get excited thinking its an actual person for me but its not.  Its just some bogus recorded message telling me to vote for Mr. Slimeball because he's the least creepy of the candidates.  Nothing like reminding me that I have no friends who actually call me Mr. Slimeball.  Way to get my hopes up.  But I'm working on it.  This no friends thing.  Don't get me wrong, I have tons of acquaintances but not many that fall into the realm of friends and the ones that do fall into my strict definition of friend usually live at a distance and I'm not really all that good at keeping up with those relationships.  Maybe I need to redefine my definition of friend.  Maybe I need to be more socially active.  Maybe I lost my therapist and am not sure if I like the new lady and so I'm looking to you guys for emotional and psychological guidance.  Yeah, I think that last one hit the nail on the head.  After six years of intense work, my therapist had to quit for medical reasons.  I feel bad for her - really I do.  But I also feel bad for me.  I feel like six years of work has just gone down the drain.  Nothing like starting all over again.  After much agonizing, I chose a new therapist or at least a candidate for my new therapist and I'm not sure if I like her or not.  So far, most of what we have done is background work - when were you hospitalized, what progress have you made, what was your original diagnosis - that kind of stuff.  Surprisingly I've learned that I have a more in depth diagnosis than I thought I did (Who knew I was agoraphobic or borderline bipolar in addition to the OCD, depression and panic attacks?) as well as the fact that I indeed had made considerable progress over those last six years (Boundaries.  I got 'em now babe.)  I guess its a little like watching your kids grow up.  Its so small every day, every week that when you really step back and look at it - holy cow they've grown!  Anyway, I've decided to document my search for a new therapist in the hopes of helping others who may go through the same thing.  So far, aside from the background, she has assigned me to buy a workbook on relaxation techniques and stress management.  I didn't.  Instead I bought a workbook on depression and anxiety.  I've been using it and it seems to be helpful so far.  I guess we'll see what "Dr. Number 2" has to say about my rebellion.  If she's not ok with it, I don't think I'm ok with her.  I see her again on Friday so we'll see how it goes.  This will be my third weekly visit.  I hate to tell her, I'm not really looking for relaxation techniques.  I'm not there yet.  I'm looking for ways to stop obsessive thoughts, improve my self-esteem, and break out of this funk for starters.  Frankly, I think even though she has the degree, I am the one who should know what I need.  I need to work through my severe anxiety before I go deep breathing and picturing my happy place.  If nothing else comes from my having this depressive funk, at least I have my new blue hair!

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round - Except in Suburbia

Wow!  I can't believe that January is half over and I have only blogged on here twice this month!  Having bronchitis didn't help but honestly, there hasn't been that much happening that I've felt the need to share.  I went through a bit where I didn't want to just air out my frustrations on here but when I decided not to do that I realized I didn't have much else to say.  Oh well.  I guess its back to venting my frustrations.  Today, I shall tackle the Suburbia school district.  See, their tax levy didn't pass back in November.  Their solution to saving money has been to eliminate all bus service for the high school and require all students within a two mile radius of the school to walk to the middle school.  There are plenty of other misappropriated funds that they could move around in my opinion but nobody asked me and this is what they decided upon.  Nice huh?  So now every day, I have to get up, get dressed (who am I kidding, I go in my jammies), and take the child to school.  Then in the afternoon, I have to go pick her up.  Life will continue every stinkin' day like this until she graduates in June!  That is a long way off and a heck of a lot of dropping off and picking up.  It wouldn't be that bad if she wasn't one of approximately 2,800 students getting dropped off.  This has created quite the traffic hassle.  I have to go at like 2:30 p.m. to get in place to pick her up at 3:05 p.m.  Nothing like wasting a half an hour.  But not tomorrow!  No.  Tomorrow is "Wisdom Tooth Day" mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Yes, tomorrow our daughter is getting her wisdom teeth out.  I really don't know what to expect.  My two wisdom teeth came in and then I had one removed.  Still  have the other one.  Hubby had his out as an adult.  I remember him eating lots of mashed potatoes and jello but I think I have blocked out all the bad stuff.  I am nervous by proxy for tomorrow.  I saw a piece one time on Dateline or something where this guy had his wisdom teeth out and he lost basically all of his mental capacity.  I know, I know.  That's a once in a lifetime story and I shouldn't be afraid of that actually happening but I'm a mom and that's what I do.  So tonight, we will take our non-bus-riding daughter out to eat super crunchy food for dinner and swing by the grocery to load up on jello, mashed potatoes, soup, mac & cheese, and anything else that doesn't require much chewing.  Hey, at least she'll be off school for a few days so I won't have to deal with driving her.  See, there's always a silver lining.

"We are Orange & Blue and God Loves Tebow More Than You!"

I am probably about to piss off a large portion of readers but I just have to say it.  I hate Tebowmania!  Like the guy.  Think he's a great football player.  Am sickened by the bandwagon that is praising him for his praising the Lord.  Calling an NFL win a miracle is an insult.  They didn't win because he prayed for them to win.  They won because the overtime rules were not sufficiently changed to minimize a single posession win.  Simple enough.  There was no miracle.  They won the coin toss.  They had first chance.  They won the game.  End of story.  I did not see the hand of God come down and complete the pass.  I'm sure there were players on both teams who were silently praying up a storm for the win but do you really think God has time to manipulate the outcome of a football game.  Forget the wars and famines, we got a game here boys. Why would he choose to listen to Tebow over say a child asking to be cured of cancer?  And it wasn't until after Denver won the game that I saw Tebow on one knee thanking God.  Tell me.  Would he have been down on one knee thanking God for the opportunity he had to play if his team hadn't won?  I can't but help think not.  While I think he is indeed grateful and thankful, I also think he exploits his spirituality in front of the cameras.  We never heard about the blatently praying quarterback when he was playing college football - at least I never did.  Did he not pray then or did the news media just not care about it then?  Either way, I hate to see spirituality used in that way.  If you want to pray, don't make a spectacle of yourself.  Its not a show. Its a personal relationship with God.  But then again, I'm not exactly the evangelical type.  Maybe I'll go to hell for speaking bad of Tebow.  I just hate seeing people praise a person instead of God and that seems to be what is happening.  Besides, I thought God was a Steeler fan?

All I Want for Christmas is a Detached Retina

Its the new year!  Yay!  I was going to talk about how this year will be "The Year of Change" for me but upon further consideration I have decided to go with this humorous Christmas happening in the hopes of prolonging everyone's Christmas spirit.  See, in keeping with the foreign tradition that we started when we lived overseas, we always leave one present in our daughter's room at the foot of her bed for Christmas morning.  So, it was Christmas morning, like super early, and I got out of bed to pee.  I noticed on the way to the bathroom that the gift, a pillow pet, that we placed in her room was missing so I assumed that she had gotten up at some point in the night, found it, and had taken it back to bed with her.  Anyway, I did my business and headed back to my bed but couldn't get back to sleep even though it was still dark and silent.  I had my eyes closed to rub some sleep out of them and when I opened them - FLASH!  "What the hell was that?"  Then I remembered hearing on some medical show at some point in time that if you got a detached retina, you would see bright white flashes prior to going blind.  "Ok.  Remain calm.  I'm sure it was a one off thing and you were just pressing on your eyes too hard."  FLASH!  "Oh shit!  It happened again!  Great!  Its Christmas and what do I get - a detached retina!  Wonderful!  I'll be blind for Christmas!  Just my luck!  Perfect timing!  Way to ruin Christmas for everyone!"  In a panic, I get up and head to the bathroom again - only this time I hear a small voice say "Merry Christmas."  It was my daughter in her room.  Come to find out she was taking flash pictures of her new pillow pet with her newly-rediscovered-after-being-lost-for-three-months camera.  The morals of the story - if you see white flashes, make sure nobody around you is taking pictures before rushing off to the emergency room AND pillow pets make great gifts for people of all ages.  Next year, pillow pets and eye check-ups for everyone on my gift list!