Under the Microscope

I feel defeated.  I finally heard from our case worker and now we have to go for an interview at the other county's social services office.  Its not that I mind the drive.  Its not that I mind answering their questions.  The thing is I don't know what more I can say than what is in our homestudy.  If they don't want us, then eliminate us.  Simple as that.  Just more hoops to jump through.  I'm tired of jumping through hoops.  I'm tired of making phone calls.  I'm tired of shopping for kids online.  I'm tired of leaving messages.  I'm tired of sending emails.  I'm just tired.  This is the first time I have really felt like throwing in the towel.  I don't want to go there and argue and defend myself as to why I would make a great parent.  I have a happy, healthy, well-adjusted sixteen year old daughter.  Can you get much more proof than that?  And all this when I don't even know in my gut if this is the right girl for us or not.  Its like they want a sure thing before they give us the ok.  How can they get a sure thing when we have nothing to go on?  We haven't seen here background information.  We haven't seen her history.  We haven't met the child but its like they want to know that the whole adoption will go smoothly before they go any further.  And in the meantime, they demean us and our case worker.  They question everything that we do.  Every choice that we make.  How do you not take that personally?  They grilled our case worker to the point where she became frustrated.  I have just convinced myself through much therapy that you can't control the "what ifs" in life.  But now I'm going to have to answer all of their "what ifs".  I don't want to play that game.  Its one thing to try to promote yourself and your family through this process.  Its an entire other beast to have to defend yourself and your family which is what I feel we're are about to face.  I have a happy family and a good life and I thought sharing that with another child would be a great thing.  Maybe not.  Trying to keep my spirits up is extremely difficult.  I can feel the depression is looming.  Where's my medication?